Exiled on Earthrealm
by Cold Recluse
Summary: After Skarlet and Sub-Zero (and several other kombatants) fall in love when they weren't supposed to, they are banished from their native realms and sent to Earthrealm's United States to live in exile. What happens when they also have to struggle to adapt in a world where their powers are not to be used? OOC-ness. POV. AU. Crack-fic.
1. Mandatory Adjustments

**Author's note:** As some of you may already have noticed, I don't have any fics featuring Skarlet. She's one of my favorite characters, and she doesn't get enough fan love on this site. So I've decided to write a little mini sit-com featuring our beloved hemomancer and the younger Sub-Zero in an alternate universe where they live as normal human beings. The twist here, is that they'll both have to do their best to live normal lives and hide their powers, and it won't be easy for them. A lot of the other canon characters will be featured as being in the same situation as the main Cryo/Hemo couple, so. Having said that, this story will have a lot of comedy in it.

**OOC-ness is to be expected. If you are a canon stickler, you should just avoid reading this story, as the alternate universe will only disappoint you.**

To those of you who know about my typical satirical and controversial sense of humor, please don't be alarmed. This fic won't have the same type of comedy like what you've read in Smoky Passion or Icy Solace, or any of the spin-offs of those crack-fics, but I'm hoping you all will enjoy this nonetheless. Most of this story will be written from Skarlet's perspective, but Kuai Liang's will be featured in some chapters as well.

I would also like to do the honors and dedicate this story to my good friends, **TheHemomancer** and **CryoManceR**. I really enjoy talking to them as well as their stories, and they're also huge Skarlet and Subby fans. Please check their work out if you haven't already!

Without further ado, here's the first chapter. Reviews and suggestions, as always, are welcomed. Enjoy!

* * *

_**Earthrealm**_

I quietly sat in the front room of my massive single family home in suburban Chicago, watching TV as I waited on my boyfriend and his best friend to arrive from their trip to the local grocery store. We'd run out of food for the month, and Tomas had been visiting us, and whining about how there was absolutely nothing to eat.

"Man," he'd whined, "do you guys ever have food in this house?" He had been rummaging through the kitchen, undoubtedly trying to find something to eat. I felt sorry for Tomas because Kuai Liang's greedy ass had been the one to eat up the remaining chicken.

"No," I had replied with a subtle grin as the gray-haired male closed the pantry door and groaned in frustration. "Your best friend is always the main one eating, so ask him. Besides, it's his turn to do groceries this month."

Of course, my boyfriend had showed up from the bathroom with an agitated expression leveled at me, but I didn't really care. Smoke and I both knew that Kuai Liang had a bad habit of being the last one to eat the remaining food in our home. That's when Smoke told him, "Dude, we need to get groceries. Grab the keys. I'll drive us there."

And they'd left.

They'd been gone for a little over an hour by this point, and the nearest grocery store was about a good thirty minute drive away. We'd all been living here in Illinois for a couple of months, although the choice wasn't mine, nor was it my boyfriend's. It wasn't even the Enenra's choice.

The truth is that we'd been banished from our homes by the Elder Gods for a very stupid reason: involving ourselves in romantic relationships with our enemies. While I didn't miss Outworld whatsoever, I found it quite difficult to blend in with the people in this world. Earthrealm was used to seeing supernatural feats, but the bad part of being sent here against my will was the simple fact that I had to do my best to restrain my biological need for blood.

I wasn't the only one here having that issue, though. Even Kuai Liang had to do his best to not freeze things, as he had a nervous tendency to accidentally encase anything he touched in ice when his mood wasn't one of his typical calmness. Smoke? Well... Let's just say that he had to completely deactivate the dark fog that usually emitted from his body. Our other friends had to do their best to control their own powers, with the exception of Kitana and Liu Kang. They both were allies from the beginning, with Kitana being of Edenian blood, so they didn't have to endure any punishment whatsoever.

Lucky bastards.

Anyway, I was once a pawn of Shao Kahn, created by means of black magic to slay and absorb the tainted blood of anyone who tried to thwart the Emperor's plan to rule all of the realms and enslave the people in them. At first, I was okay with it, but during the most recent Mortal Kombat tournament, I had encountered Kuai Liang while on my mission to spy on Quan Chi. It all went down from there; I fell in love with the Cryomancer when I was not supposed to, and Shao Khan found out. Smoke ended up with Jade, and the others had their own dalliances going on. It eventually got so bad that the Elder Gods got annoyed and decided to take their unrealistic anger for such a trivial situation out on us.

It was all messed up. Even Raiden lost his godhood for falling in love with Sindel. Bullshit, right?

"Hey, Skarlet. We're back!" I heard Smoke's voice call out from the intercom on the wall by the foyer, interrupting my thoughts. As I got up to open the front door, I slipped my house shoes on and grabbed my robe from the nearby love seat, tying it around my waist with ease. Opening the front door, I was greeted with a snowball to the face.

_This idiot son-of-a-bitch_, I groaned to myself as I remembered that it was the dead of December. Christmas had already passed in this world, and we hadn't celebrated it.

I mean, why celebrate some stupid holiday that we're not familiar with? I'm not even from this realm, so whatever. I just wanted to know why the hell Kuai Liang thought that it would be funny to lob a snowball at my face when it was fucking below zero outside.

"You moron!" I finally yelped as I smacked the laughing Cryomancer on the bicep. "You're gonna get me sick, Kuai Liang."

"Ha, that's cute. You two are so in love and yet you both act like kids. Very amusing," Smoke said with a shake of his head. He then turned to his best friend. "You need to remember that you're the only one who isn't affected by the cold around here. Quit the nonsense and help me carry this shit inside the house, bro."

Sub-Zero rolled his eyes as he rubbed the spot where I'd hit him. "Okay, okay. Jeez. You guys don't know how to enjoy life. Fuckin' killjoys."

"Um, aren't you supposed to be more stoic and unemotional than this?" I quipped. It wasn't often that my boyfriend acted like a douchebag. Normally he was very quiet and serious about everything. Guess he just chose today to drop the snowman facade and be a dick.

"Dammit," he cursed as he helped Smoke carry the rest of the groceries inside. "Sorry, hun. I'm just bored. I'm in my element and all, but seriously. This life is boring me and I really want to go back to China."

"I understand. Just be careful. I don't do so well with this kind of weather like you do," I said. I then followed him and Smoke inside, closing the front door behind me. Watching them for a moment as they placed the bags on the kitchen counter, I got bored after a while and made my way back to the couch to watch more TV.

Of course, the peace didn't last very long.

"Kuai Liang! Didn't you learn by now that we can't use our fucking powers in this world?" Smoke shouted. That's when I looked over to the kitchen where the Enenra and my boyfriend were, only to notice that the entire countertop had a thin layer of ice on it.

_Great._


	2. The Typical

**Author's note**: Well, I certainly did not expect to get 5 favs and 4 follows in just over a day! o: But, you know what? I'm happy about that, and I'd like to thank my best friend **DemiGoddesss007**, my good friends **TheHemomancer** and **CryoManceR**, and last, but not least, **Ulquihimefan1** and** Tater Salad123** for adding this story to their alerts! It means a lot to me and it makes me want to update sooner! :D

Having said all of the above, here's chapter 2! Please feel free to review and give suggestions! I'll take them into consideration if the suggestions fit into the overall plot, so be on the lookout! You just might get lucky. Enjoy!

* * *

After noticing that my boyfriend had unwittingly frozen the kitchen counter-top, I had to smack my palm against my forehead as Smoke continued scolding him.

"Dude, what the hell is _with_ you? You normally have better control of your powers than this," Smoke snarled. Kuai Liang only rolled his eyes and looked over at me with a pained expression.

I mean, let's be real here. If there was anything the Cryomancer hated, it was being put on the spot. And that's exactly what Tomas was doing to him. No wonder he kept looking at me with that "Save me" expression.

"Hey, I love you and all, but I am _not_ about to help you. _You_ froze the counter, so _you're_ the one who's gonna unfreeze it," I said. I wasn't about to help him rectify his own mistake. He knew we weren't supposed to use our powers in this world, and this wasn't even the first time he'd frozen anything here.

One time, we had all taken a trip to Woodfield Mall in nearby Schaumburg to buy ourselves some clothing. That mall was a good forty-five minute drive away from our house, and since we couldn't just walk around in this world dressed in our warriors' uniforms, we decided to go on a shopping spree. Kitana had loaned us some money - she'd loaded the money on gift cards so that we could use them - since she already knew how Earthrealmers lived and didn't want us to draw any unwanted attention, which we were grateful for. Once we were at the register getting ready to pay for our items, though, this idiotic ice-man froze his own gift card.

Needless to say, Sub-Zero ended up having his best friend order his stuff online since the black magnetic stripe on his gift card was permanently damaged. It sucked to be him!

"Okay, babe," Sub-Zero replied. "If Smoke can grab the groceries and place them elsewhere, we can just let the ice on this counter thaw out. I really don't want to freeze the food we just bought. I'll just mop the melted water from the ground once the ice melts, I guess..."

"_Or_, you can be more practical and get those old towels from the garage. Just place them on the floor in front of the counter-top so that they can absorb the water, and I'll throw them in the washer later," another voice suddenly added. It was Smoke's girlfriend, Jade. I had forgotten that she had been asleep for most of today.

We watched on as Kuai Liang blushed once he understood the logic of Jade's suggestion. Of course, Smoke was trying not to laugh at him. Much to the Enenra's dismay, however, the Cryomancer noticed, and he made sure to punch him on the arm. Then he silently stalked off to the garage to grab the old towels.

Normally, my boyfriend was very quick to catch on to things, and he was not one to do anything haphazardly. A man of superb intellect, Kuai Liang was typically a very stern, silent, logical man. Hell, he was even a lot more intelligent than Smoke, but I'll never understand how in the worlds his IQ had managed to drop a few points...

"So, what did I miss while I was asleep?" Jade asked me. Smoke was busy putting the groceries away. It was by sheer luck that Sub-Zero didn't accidentally freeze the food he and his best friend brought...

I sighed as the green-eyed woman made her way over to the couch. She sat beside me and propped her legs on the ottoman. "Not too much. You know how the boys are, always being idiots and whatever," I replied, referring to my boyfriend and Tomas.

"Heh, that's not very surprising," Jade said, her left hand reaching for the water bottle she'd left on the coffee table beside her. Untwisting the cap off of the container and taking a few sips, Jade looked over at me and cocked an eyebrow.

I merely returned the gesture with a confused expression. "What?"

She smirked as she took a few more sips, before finally resealing her bottle and placing it back on the table. "Nothing. I was going to see Bi-Han and Sareena later tomorrow. They're still getting themselves situated in their new home and need my help with the interior decorating. Figured you'd want to tag along and keep me company."

I'd forgotten all about my boyfriend's older brother. When he and the demoness were banished from their homes, Bi-Han had already been undead. Earthrealm couldn't have a wraith walking around without drawing unwanted attention, so the Elder Gods used magic to lighten his skin tone some. After the magic spell, Bi-Han looked very much like Kuai Liang, but only a bit more tan in complexion. He also didn't have any powers, but he had to avoid sunlight, lest he wanted to burn like charcoal again.

And as for my Demon friend, it wasn't _too_ bad... Sareena was given a special tonic to control her human form without Quan Chi's sorcery, but the downfall of that was that she had to eat a lot of raw meat or else she'd lose her energy and go into a savage fit.

Her fits were hell of a lot worse than anything Mileena's ever done, by the way. However, I'll spare the disgusting details.

But, yeah. Sareena also had the tattoos on either side of her face removed, but she did keep the Goth Girl get-up regardless. Only thing is that she had to tone the provocative choice of clothing down, since none of us wanted people to think Sareena was some kind of hooker.

I dunno... I really hated how Earthrealm customs were. Everything here was so different, and it seemed that out of all the places in this realm, American society was the worst. These people had weird ways of living, not to mention that they were a lot more judgmental than the people from the other realms I've visited.

Well, I take that back. Seidans were worse when it came to judging people. Heh. Fuck 'em. That's what I say.

"I can probably join you," I said in response to Jade's offer. "I'm not sure what Kuai Liang's going to do, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind visiting his older brother. Maybe he can come with, hmm?"

Jade looked up in thought. "I don't see why not. Sareena _did_ say she had something to give to him..."

I smiled. "Alright. I'll just tell him whenever he comes back from whatever the hell he's doing in the garage."

Smoke then walked in from the kitchen, casually eating a granola bar. He sat down on the couch across from Jade and I, and looked behind us with a wide grin on his face. Jade and I turned our heads around to look at Kuai Liang, who'd groaned in pain after he apparently bumped his elbow on the door panel. The Cryomancer then shook his head in annoyance, the old towels falling from underneath one of his arms as he stumbled into the kitchen. That's when Tomas burst into hysterical laughter.

What in the actual fuck.

"Tomas, I _really_ fucking hate you right now," Kuai Liang growled, giving Smoke a stern gaze. Jade and I only looked on in mild amusement, though this behavior between the two men wasn't even something we weren't accustomed to. They always acted like assholes with one another.

Smoke started laughing even harder. "I _told_ you to not touch that silver box I placed on that top shelf!"

Ah, so evidently, Kuai Liang accidentally knocked the container with Smoke's portable mini-smoke bombs down when he grabbed the towels. Idiot.

"Since _when_ are you so **_clumsy_**!?" I cried in exasperation. My boyfriend was _completely_ out of character and it was seriously bothering me.

"Since he's been best friends with Tomas," Jade scoffed. I only buried my face in my hands as she continued with, "You aren't used to their antics yet, Skarlet? This is typical of men in general!"

I shrugged as our lovers exchanged verbal assaults in the background, while Kuai Liang carefully placed the towels in front of the counter-top. Jade rolled her eyes and got up.

"Yep. I think I'll just go and get the mop," she said, making her way into the garage. As she walked past my boyfriend, I heard her mutter, "Men are absolutely hopeless. They should be grateful for women... They can't even clean without being clumsy!"

I had to laugh at that. Too bad her boyfriend reappeared beside her and slapped her on the ass. "Hey, Jade," Smoke said. "I know we're hopeless, but maybe if we weren't surrounded by beautiful women all the time, we'd have more common sense. Just thought I'd remind you."

Jade just grinned in response and shook her head before finally going into the garage.

"About time you say something smart," Kuai Liang said with a laugh.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Babe, be quiet and go bring me one of those steaks, please. If you don't mind."

He gave me a confused look as he went to the refrigerator. "You're gonna eat a raw steak? I swear, Skar... You're hanging around my brother's girlfriend a bit _too_ much," he chuckled as he opened the door and pulled out a pack of beef skirt steaks. He then threw it in my direction, and I caught it with ease.

Good to know my coordination never left me.

"Oh, please. You know you love me," I said, winking as I unwrapped the steak and took a bite. Kuai Liang only laughed at me as he leaned against the counter, shaking his head at how I immediately ravaged that meat.

I couldn't help it! The blood was _too_ good, and I haven't had any in weeks!

Smoke was evidently creeped out at the sight of me doing such a thing. He'd never seen me eat raw meat before. "Man, you guys are scaring me. If you two don't mind, I'm gonna go upstairs and go to sleep. Ciao."

"Later, man," Sub-Zero casually replied as I flipped Smoke off with my free hand. Like I cared if he didn't like the sight of me enjoying my own element.

Kuai Liang and I only laughed as our favorite Enenra yelled, "Tell Jade I'm in the guest room when she's done," before he disappeared in a shimmery haze and teleported away...

"What a weirdo," I said when he was gone. Kuai Liang only rolled his eyes at that.

"Yeah, I know," he said. "I still love him like a brother, though. Anyway," he paused, giving me a once-over, "I think we should have a bath when you're done. What do you think?"

My eyebrows shot up once I realized his innuendo. "Dude, dream on. Not tonight."

"Damn!" he whined. "I swear, I hate how you torture me."

I laughed at my boyfriend's obvious disappointment. I wasn't interested in sex tonight. "Shut up, Kuai Liang."

_Men_...


	3. Indecent Situations

**Author's note: **Sorry for the delay in updates, first and foremost. Since it's obvious that I don't update quickly enough, I think I should point out that I've been very busy with many things, and I've also gotten bored of fan-fiction since it's not something I take seriously these days. That means that my updates won't be as frequent anymore, and that I'll most likely only be able to update my stories once or twice a month at most.

Without further ado, I'd like to thank **BloodArtSerenity1313, Torion,** and anyone I forgot for adding this story to their alerts.

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**_The next day..._**

Kuai Liang held me close to him, his light snores escaping his slightly parted lips in slow intervals as he slept soundly beside me. I had woken up a few moments ago in an attempt to go to the bathroom, but the Cryomancer's muscular arm only pulled me back.

Not that I hate cuddling with him or anything, but I _really_ needed to pee. There was no way that I would be able to make it into the bathroom in time unless I woke him up. So I tried again.

"Kuai Liang... I need to use the bathroom. Move your arm so I can get up, please," I groaned in mild annoyance. As expected, he only grunted in response as he pressed his face into the crook of my neck, sighing as he subconsciously positioned himself over and on top of me. It was only seconds before I realized that Kuai Liang wasn't even asleep the entire time, but merely trying to play it off so that he could have his way with me.

_So much for me turning him down last night_. Just as I started to protest, his body weight drilled me into the bed. A subtle gyration of his hips against my core was all that he needed to do to show me his undoubted need for release, and I heard a low growl escape his throat as he moved his face from my neck and licked the side of my cheek.

"Good morning," he finally whispered in my ear, his voice husky. He then turned to look me deep in the eyes, lightly kissing the tip of my nose once he noticed the annoyed glint in my deep gray eyes. "I take it you're not in the mood?" he slyly asked me, clearly not taking the hint.

I rolled my eyes as I stifled the urge to shove the man off of me. "Of course I'm not in the mood," I said slowly, raising my voice another octave as I added, "I mean, who the fuck wants to have sex when they _need to use the fucking bathroom!?" _

__Kuai Liang grimaced at my reaction, remorsefully rolling off of me and back to his original spot on our bed. "Okay, fine. It's just been a while," he said as he raised his left hand and rubbed his face with it. Then he said, "Look. I'm sorry, Skarlet. But you're just _so_ irresistible, even though we've been together for a while now. Do you even _realize_ how difficult it is for a man to retain his urges at the sight of a sexy woman like yourself? Not to objectify you or anything..."

I inwardly smirked as I sat up and got out of the bed. Grabbing my red silk robe and tying it on, I turned to face Sub-Zero. With a sadistic grin, I replied, "Oh, I know. Sometimes I seriously wish I could dye my hair black. Maybe then you'd chill out."

"You'd still be all the more attractive, redhead or not. Anyway, go shower and whatever. I guess we can have a bit of fun later tonight when Smoke and Jade leave."

I grinned again. "Seems the curse placed upon us didn't eliminate your natural male tendencies."

Kuai Liang rolled his eyes and threw his pillow at me. "Shut up!"

My grin faded as a sneaky smirk replaced it._ If he wants to tease me, two could play at that game._ _After all, it's not like we don't have kinky tendencies, so why not?_

"Don't tell me what to do. Save those demands for later," I murmured with a sultry wink. When I saw the lustful glimmer in Sub-Zero's sapphire eyes, I chuckled to myself as I went into the adjacent master bathroom and used the toilet. After I was done, I got up and drew the bath.

I thought about a lot of things as I stripped down and submerged myself into the tepid bath water, from my life now, and especially my future. I worried a lot these days, mainly since my natural thirst for blood was a problem. Not often did I get to acquire any for biological absorption, but I knew Sareena would be willing to help out with that.

Besides, I had to help Jade with suggestions to decorate Sareena and Bi-Han's home, and with Kuai Liang and Tomas in the mix, things were bound to get pretty hectic. We all got along well, but between the two siblings, there was always an underlying dominance struggle. Sareena and Jade never quite picked up on it, which was a bit of a surprise given that Sareena was still a demoness. But then again, I was able to sniff out emotions, so it wasn't really that hard for me to notice.

Thing is, the scent of a mortal's blood changes with each emotion. Lust, love, anger, happiness, etc. They all cause chemical changes in the blood that I naturally pick up on, so it's not hard for me to tell how Kuai Liang _loathes _being talked to like he is a lesser man. I also know that Bi-Han uses this to his advantage, even in his undead life among the living. Needless to say, the elder Sub-Zero is a bit of an ass.

_Then again, what would brothers be if one wasn't more arrogant than the other? It was the same scenario between Mileena and Kitana, although they both had been on good terms since Kahn's defeat. No such thing as a perfect relationship between siblings, right?_

My thoughts were disrupted as I grabbed the loofah and the liquid, pomegranate-scented bodywash from the lip of the massive bathtub. The sound of uproarious moaning erupted from the living room downstairs, and I already knew what was up.

Tomas and Jade.

Thankfully, Kuai Liang saved the day. I had left the bathroom door wide open, and I noticed his face contort into a flabbergasted expression as he put his book down and looked toward the hallway just outside our bedroom door. A few moments passed before he finally shook his head, got out of our bed and ran to the top of the steps. Then he yelled, "Are you two doing what I think you're doing?"

Sure enough, I heard Tomas shout "No!" from downstairs, and Kuai Liang clearly knew his best friend was lying. As I expected, Kuai Liang retorted with, "Bullshit, man! Do that shit in your own home! I don't want body fluids on our furniture, okay!?"

I chuckled once Kuai Liang walked back inside our bedroom, and I decided to get his attention. Before he could get back in bed (it was only 9am, by the way), I giggled before seductively calling him over to the bathroom.

"Yes?" he said. His eyebrow was raised as he casually leaned against the bathroom door frame, blue eyes observing every inch of me as I scrubbed my body down with my foamy loofah.

"Since you're clearly disappointed about Tomas and Jade getting down to business on our couch," I drawled, "why don't you join me? There's enough room for the both of us."

Kuai Liang's bright cerulean eyes widened for a brief moment as he took in the underlying innuendo of my words, but immediately shrugged as his lips curled into a devious smirk. Calmly pulling his shirt off, he replied, "About time you decide to behave. I thought I'd have to punish you."

I shook my head at his comment, raising my wet hand to brush the damp crimson strands from my face. Watching with silent temptation as my boyfriend stepped out of his sleeping pants and boxer shorts, I bit my lip once he met my gaze with his.

"Shut the hell up and come here," I said, my voice taking a sultry tone to it. His physique always had this effect on me, and it was always like this ever since the first day I laid my eyes on him.

I swear... Seeing Kuai Liang in the nude was more than enough to make my knees buckle, and I loved the feeling that rushed to my extremities as I imagined how he'd do things to me. Considering that we were going to have a very busy day today, I decided to let the Cryomancer take me to euphoric bliss for a few hours...

I must have been fantasizing about Kuai Liang's hands running all over my form, because I didn't even realize that my back was now pressed against his broad, toned chest. A shaky breath escaped my lips as his large hands grabbed my wet shoulders, gently turning me around so that I could face him directly.

"Someone's going crazy. I'll handle that for you. Don't worry," he whispered as he placed a wet palm on the side of my face, stroking my cheek as his other hand made its way to my already heated core. Noticing how quickly I flinched at his lewd touches and quivered at his gentle but passionate touch, Sub-Zero smirked before deftly kissing me on the lips.

Wrapping my arms around my boyfriend's neck, I snarled, "To hell if Smoke and Jade are getting it on downstairs. You can have your way with me for a bit and then we're get back to normal, okay?"

Kuai Liang growled as he bit my neck, digging his nails into my tanned flesh. "Sounds like a plan," he said.

As we made love that morning, both of us shared the same thought: _Smoke and Jade want to get nasty in our house? Ha, alright. Not like we're missing out on anything._

Needless to say, Kuai Liang and I had zero fucks to give as we tore into each other for hours that morning...


End file.
